Category Archives: Islamic Manners

It’s about our character

“It’s not about your state of affairs, but it’s about your character during that state.”

No doubt a person’s attitude in the face of trials reveals his loyalty to Allah and whether he has sincere love for Allah.

If a person has a genuine love of Allah and willingly remains resigned to what He creates for him, he will display the best of attitude towards everything that comes from Him.

A person who displays moral perfection even in the face of the hardest trials, and shows submission and perseverance no doubt loves Allah very much and is devoted to Him by heart.

On the other hand, it is another fact that Muslims grow mature by means of trials, attain profoundity in their fear of Allah and get ready for Paradise.

No matter with what kind of hardship they may encounter, they attain the morality of people in Paradise by displaying a strong personality, never despairing when faced with hardship, meeting every test with putting trust in Allah and never boasting or displaying a spoiled character because they enjoy a lot of blessings.

This beautiful character make them deserve Paradise, a place of glory and perfection that Allah creates with His infinite knowledge for His servants.

– copied

Advertisements

Having good adab

Dear Muslims,

We all need this reminder from time to time, so here it goes:

having bad adab is *incompatible* with Islam and having good adab is a *prerequisite* to being a good, practicing Muslim.

In other words, if you consider yourself a believer, a practitioner, and a follower of Islam and of the Beloved ﷺ who came to “perfect character” you CANNOT continuously have bad adab with others with impunity.

NO. MATTER. WHAT.

Having bad adab is UGLY and there is NO room for it in our beautiful tradition. Period.

Furthermore, don’t forget that Allah ﷻ sees everything you do, knows well what is in your heart, AND it is ALL being recorded; every foul word, every eye roll, every whisper, every cold shoulder, every rude comment and act, every interruption, every dismissive retort, every insult or slight, etc.

Sooner or later it will catch up to you, and that’s NOT a good thing, a`uthubillah!

You may justify your actions to yourself in this world, but first read the ahadith below and then think LONG and HARD about how FAR your behavior is from that of the Beloved’s ﷺ and the implications of that in the next world:

“The nearest of you to me on the Day of Judgement will be the one who is best in character.” (Bukhari)

“I have not been sent as a Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam, except to perfect character (akhlaaq).” (Bukhari)

“The best of you are those best in character.” (Bukhari)

“Among the most beloved of you to me and the closest to me in sitting on the Day of Judgment are the best of you in character.” (Tirmidhi)

“There is nothing heavier on the scales [on the Day of Judgement] than good character.” (Bukhari)

“The [true] Muslim is one from whose tongue and hands other Muslims are safe.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

May Allah ﷻ guide us, forgive us, and increase us all in adab. Amīn.

– Hosai Mojaddidi

Kind and Merciful

Why should we be kind? The most important reason is because Allah is kind and enjoins kindness on us.

Do you not see that Allah has subjected to you whatever is on the earth and the ships which run through the sea by His command? And He restrains the sky from falling upon the earth, unless by His permission. Indeed Allah, to the people, is Kind and Merciful. [Quran, 22:65]

Another reason is because our Prophet (peace be upon him) was kind, and we are asked to model ourselves on him.

There has certainly come to you a Messenger from among yourselves. Grievous to him is what you suffer; [he is] concerned over you and to the believers is kind and merciful. [Quran, 9:128]

It’s one thing to know we should be kind, but what specific instructions does the Quran give us for living in kindness?

  1. Be generous, but prudent.

Don’t give away what Allah has given you for your own sustenance, but do what you can for the needy, and do so with gladness.

And do not give the weak-minded your property, which Allah has made a means of sustenance for you, but provide for them with it and clothe them and speak to them words of appropriate kindness. [Quran, 4:5]

  1. Don’t be cold about it

Needy people have feelings. Charity done in a spirit of resentment or superiority is dead charity. Give your charity life— be sincerely nice to the people to whom you’re giving.

And when [other] relatives and orphans and the needy are present at the [time of] division, then provide for them [something] out of the estate and speak to them words of appropriate kindness. [Quran, 4:8]

  1. Be kind to your parents.

Yes, be kind and just with your parents, even if they’re bad parents or want you to commit shirk! Be as kind to them as you can be while being a wholehearted slave of Allah.

But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance] . . . [Quran, 31:15]

  1. Don’t rely on your feelings alone.

Do you secretly have a favourite friend? Child? Sibling? Teacher? Don’t use your feelings as an excuse to freeze out the others.

And you will never be able to be equal [in feeling] between wives, even if you should strive [to do so]. So do not incline completely [toward one] and leave another hanging . . . [Quran, 4:129]

  1. Be kind to leaders, no matter how foolish they may be.

Yes, Musa was instructed to speak gently to Pharoah, a man who couldn’t have been more wrongheaded.

And speak to him with gentle speech that perhaps he may be reminded or fear [Allah]. [Quran, 20:44]

Get with the Quran’s program! Take time to examine your relationships with others and root out any behaviours that smack of unkindness.

May your mind be opened and your heart enriched, 

The Quran Academy Team

 

Arafat Khutba

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

Points from Khutba in Arafat by Imam of Baitullah on this Hajj. (It is not the recent one.)

Long but each point is precious diamond. Forward far and wide:

– Surround yourself with Muslims who practice the Deen. They are your only True Friends in this Life and in the Hereafter.

– Not everybody is out there to judge you, there are some who want the best for you and want to help you get into Al-Jannah, value them.

– Indeed, a friend who doesn’t care about your Aakhirāh is not really your friend.

– Sometimes the hardest person for you to correct is yourself. There is no shame in being wrong, the shame is in choosing to stay on the wrong path.

– Whatever takes you NEAR to Allah, takes you AWAY from Hellfire. Whatever takes you AWAY from Allah, takes you CLOSER to Hellfire.

– We all take tomorrow for granted because we believe tomorrow will always be there. Tomorrow may be there, but we may not!

– Who said “TOMORROW” is guaranteed? Make the use of “TODAY” that you are blessed with!

Yesterday many thought that they would see today, and today many will think they will see tomorrow. Death could be tonight, in the next hour, the next second, yet we live as if we still have so many years to live.

– You may be rich, famous or have a high status in this dunyah, but to the Angel of Death, you’re just another name on the list.

– Our death and meeting with our Creator is approaching and yet our biggest worry is what are we going to wear tomorrow? #‎InCompetition

– One day you’ll just be a memory for people, and a lesson to others. Do everything you can to please Allah, be a positive lesson.

– Imagine how many people were here with us last year, but are no longer here again! Even our turn is soon approaching. May Allah forgive us and forgive them.

– We walk with our heads high up in the sky, unaware that one day we’ll be trapped 6′ Feet under the ground. #‎Reminder

– You look for the latest fashion and designer clothes, but don’t forget O’ Son of Adam! You will end up being wrapped up in just a white shroud.

– Live to please the Creator, not the creation. If Allah is happy with us, what more can we ask for?

– It’s sad how we begin to appreciate blessings, either materialistic things or good people; only after we lose them. When it’s too late! Do we really invest to be like them?

– You wouldn’t throw away a diamond to pick up a rock, so in the same way, don’t throw away the Aakhirah (Paradise) by chasing the Dunya (worldly).

– How do you expect to get Al-Jannah when you haven’t worked for it in Dunya? That’s like expecting to pass an exam you never took a class for.

– We live in a time where people give up certain foods in fear of becoming overweight, but cannot give up sins in fear of Allah!

– For a believer — you may be penniless, homeless, unemployed, sick and feel like you have nothing. But you have the One thing that money can’t buy: “Allah”.

– Allāh knows what you want, what you need, what you deserve, at what time and what place, trust Him and His decisions (is best for HIS creation), He knows while you don’t.

– If a celebrity mentioned your name to the world, how happy would you be? Mention Allah in a gathering, and He mentions you to the angels!

– And, make the Qur’an your companion and a part of your life. Don’t let yourself become a stranger to it. The Qur’an is like a friend, the longer the friendship lasts the more you will know of its secrets.

– Don’t praise me because I’m on my Deen, but pray for me because I have faults which you have not seen.

Repent
ُ”Truly, Allah loves those who repent, and He loves those who cleanse themselves.” [Al-Quran 2:222].

May Allah purify our hearts. And peace and blessings of Allah be upon our noble Messenger of Allah, Muhammad and his household. Ameen.

repost

Profile picture causing fitnah to your Brothers

When a Muslimah hears that it is Haram to put her personal picture as a PROFILE PICTURE on facebook She gives this argument: ”but this is me!

This is the face people see when I go out to the street. So what is the difference if people see my face on Facebook or in the street?!”

This is the answer for that:

“First of all, when you put your picture as a profile picture on Facebook you are causing Fitnah to your brothers in Islam because you don’t help them to lower their gaze even if you are wearing your Hijab in that picture.

In the street you suppose to lower your gaze as they (Muslim men) are suppose to lower theirs.

But on internet, it’s different!

Because any boy would feel that he is free to look to your picture as he wants, the moment he wants because you are showing it to the whole world, So sister!

How can you let any stranger’s glances travel over your face, eyes, lips, etc.? how can you let his eyes eating your body like that?

Any men on Facebook would thinks it is his right to look to the picture you are displaying in front of him forgetting that Allāh is watching him.

He is disobeying Allāh of course, but think! Who led him to this disobedience?

@repost..

The Right Way To Respond To The Wrong Words

How To Respond To Angry Emails: The Right Way To Respond To The Wrong Words

You know that feeling, don’t you? You open your inbox and this one email stands out like it’s emitting a toxic vibe of its own or something. So you read it, and yup, it’s confirmed, that same person who should be busy drowning in his or her endless array of mistakes is actually taking out their anger on YOU! Blaming, insulting, putting you down, or just bullying you into doing something exactly how they think should be done.

So naturally, your first reaction would be to set them straight. You’re a professional; you know how to handle tough situations, and you’re not gonna let anyone, be it a colleague, boss, client or even a friend, make you stoop down to their level. So you muster all your self-control and start typing with specialized, unbiased expertise…

Dear Sir/Ma’am

I apologize for the misunderstanding, but I do have a quick question that would help resolve the current problem in a timely manner: ARE YOU ALWAYS SUCH A MORON OR IS TODAY A SPECIAL OCCASION????

Why Can’t We ‘Cage’ The Rage?

I don’t want to cut us too much slack, but honestly, it’s a little bit understandable why it’s so easy to lose your temper in this ‘all-digital’ day and age. According to Mehrabian’s Theory, effective communication of emotions is only 7% related to the words used, 38% the tone of voice, and 55% body language.

Think about it.

A wife ends the conversation with ‘fine’ (a supposedly pleasant word) yet the husband will most probably get a bit scared! Why? Because the implied meaning of the word is totally different! There’s a great deal of intimidation in the way she glares at him, or the way she suddenly starts whisking the eggs so vigorously like she’s having a seizure. There’s so much you can tell from a person’s pitch, attitude, or facial expression.

And now, based on this breakdown, since it’s all in that 7 % of words used, a whopping 93% of the feelings conveyed in an email or text message are lost and can be completely misunderstood. Problems are bound to escalate when we start filling in those percentage blanks with assumptions, preconceived impressions, and dramatic sound effects!

We all do it on some level in real life, too. A driver cuts you off on the road, or a waiter brings you mashed potatoes instead of fries and you just hulk out on them while someone else might simply say ‘it’s no big deal’. The same thing that makes me angry could be something that you easily let slide by.  Why is that?

A friend might read the same angry email and say ‘give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they have a point’ and so in addition to being ‘over the rooftop furious’ you’re suddenly consumed with thoughts of finding a shovel to bury your friend in the backyard. Alive!

Now you know me. I’m the ‘Why’ girl. I need to know why things happen the way they do, and what goes on inside people’s heads. So naturally, I’m gonna take you back to basics; the inner core of human psychology.

This way, please….

Why Do We Get Angry?

I actually studied about anger in one of the ‘Psychologies’ and here’s the textbook definition of it:

“Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy human emotion that can also be very destructive.”

Except once you learn about the four types of anger, I think you’ll adjust the exactness of the above phrase a little bit, for anger erupts inside you like a volcano in times of:

  1. Integrity: A.K.A the most honorable type of anger, which is probably the only ‘healthy’ type, when we’re angered by injustice, oppression or a breach of trust or morality. Anger that has a beneficial goal is usually automatically controlled and directed towards the right purpose.
  2. Fear: Yes you read that right. We get angry when a weakness is triggered and we’re afraid someone might see it, so we mask it with anger.
  3. Pain: You could be sad, lonely, worried, hurt, frustrated or tired, yet use anger as a substitute emotion because the truth is, it feels better to be angry than to face emotional pain.
  4. Insecurity: If anger makes us feel in control then we’ll never be motivated to control our anger. It’s sometimes used as a self-defense mechanism to regain power; or more accurately, the ‘illusion’ of power.

Fortunately, the first type of anger can be very productive, especially when it compels you to speak up against injustice or uphold your morals. An angry email dripping of discrimination or oppression is seldom something we can just let ‘slide by’. If that’s the case, then by all means, please be angry. Stand up for your beliefs, morals, rights and the rights of others. History proves that healthy anger has conquered racism, dictatorship, and abusive slavery.

But now the tricky part is, ‘Anger’ is the King of ‘Hide and Seek’; it’s so good at hiding your real emotions away and tricking you into seeking aggressive reactions instead. It’s not always a matter of ‘righteousness’; sometimes it’s plain ‘egotism’.

For example, you could immediately get enraged by a harsh-worded email from your boss because deep down perhaps you’re worried he’s implying you’re not good enough, and you unconsciously believe being infuriated is better for your ego than facing your fear. It makes you feel bigger and more in control of the situation. In other words, anger is triggered according to our own personality traits and self-esteem. A competitive person might get infuriated a lot easier in ‘win and lose’ incidents than someone who isn’t.

I could give you more examples, but you get what I’m trying to say, right? Sometimes the anger is a reflection of an inner problem, and our angry responses are just personal assessments of emotional situations, which is what psychologists refer to as ‘cognitive appraisals’.

You’re shaking your head, aren’t you? I know, it’s not enough…

The over-analytical psychopathology won’t help when you’re reading an angry message or email where the antagonism is so palpable and the ill-willed vibe is so vivid you could cut it with a knife! It’s usually involuntary, too, for the more you read, the more your nostrils flare up, your veins pop out and your blood boils like lava.

In that case, we obviously need a new game plan. Forget the ‘why’ for now and let’s look at the ‘how’.

How To Deal With Anger: The Right Way To Respond To The Wrong Words

Here are the golden rules. Memorize them. They’ll save you from a lot of very ugly scenes in the future, trust me!

  1. Never reply to an angry message or email on the spot. Step away from the keyboard and take your time.
  2. Can you breathe? If yes, then please take a few deep, cleansing breaths. If not, then proceed to step 3.
  3. When anger reaches a certain boiling point, it’s too late to go back. So go take it out alone in a safe environment. Write your angry response down on a piece of paper. Go for a walk, punch an innocent pillow, scream or cry it out. Whatever works as long as it doesn’t harm you or anyone else.
  4. Come back and read the email again. Check your emotions. Are you still angry? If the answer is yes, then please repeat step 3. Take all the time you need. That’s the good thing about digital interactions, there’s no rush, you can respond whenever it’s convenient for you.
  5. Now that you have a clear mind, read the email again, being mindful of the ‘cognitive appraisals’ we’ve talked about earlier. Is it really so bad? Are you reading too much into it? If you’re still apprehensive about the whole thing, then cut down to the chase and request a face-to-face meeting or even a phone call. One of the main secrets to effective communication is sharing your feelings, and fulfilling the need to be heard and understood.
  6. If some human interaction isn’t possible, then it’s time to get crafty with some basic psychology technique to dissolve people’s anger, called the ‘Positive Sandwich”:

a) Start your response on a positive note, validation of anger or an apology. “I understand why you’re frustrated. You have every right to feel that way….”

b) Explain your side as briefly as possible, without making your opinion sound like a given fact.

c) Don’t hit the ‘reply-all’ button until you’ve tried to resolve the matter privately first. It takes the heat off the ‘ego game’ and is certainly much more professional.

d) Always, always, ALWAYS end your message on a positive note. The ending is what we all remember the most; it’s what makes a good book, a good vacation or a good argument. Always end your email with a few pleasant words.
e) Proving you’re right isn’t all that satisfying if it costs you your peace. Look at the bigger picture, and try to reach a middle ground.

How To Respond To Angry E-mails: The Right Way To Respond To The Wrong Words | ProductiveMuslim

You know, science has proven time and time again that controlling your angeractually rewires your brain into becoming a better, more compassionate person. But let me first answer the final question that’s probably lingering in your mind now: “Doesn’t this make me a pushover?”

Ummmm definitely NOT! It makes you mature and wise and smart. It makes you a real professional. It builds you a solid ‘sterling’ reputation and it’s everything you need to invest in good, healthy, long-lasting relationships.

Responding to anger with more anger is like using fire to put out the fire, it doesn’t work. It will just keep on blazing and will eventually burn everything around you. We need empathy, compassion, maturity, and control. You need water to put out the fire of anger. But if you can’t do that, then at least don’t respond.

Ibn ‘Abbas reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Teach and make things easy and not difficult. When one of you is angry, he should be silent.” [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]

Follow our beloved Prophet’s ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) advice and stay silent when you’re mad. Sleep on it and wait for the storm to pass by. The fire won’t burn forever; it will eventually turn to ashes.

Deep down you already know that. It’s the ‘swallow your pride’ part that we all have problems with.

Just remember, rage will never make you extraordinary, but intelligent patience will.

Oh, it so always will….

https://productivemuslim.com/how-to-respond-to-angry-email/

TIPS FOR RAISING CHILDREN ISLAMICALLY

FB_IMG_1533118352051

Indeed, Allah has created children with a pure innate nature, and whatever defects that sink in later on are due to a number of reasons. The Prophet Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, is reported to have said, “Every child is born on Fitrah (man’s innate disposition to monotheism), his parents make him Jewish, Christian or a fire worshipper.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Islaam commands the parents to take care of their children and to bring them up according to Islamic manners. Allah, the Almighty, has entrusted parents with their children. Therefore, parents bear the responsibility to raise up their children in the Islamic way. If they do so, they will be, Allah Willing, blessed in this life and the Hereafter. If they don’t, they may see the bad results of it during their life, and Allah forbid, in the Hereafter.

The Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,) is reported to have said, “All of you are guardians and all of you are responsible for things under your guardianship; the ruler is a guardian (managing his state’s affairs) and he is responsible for things under his care, the man is a guardian over his family and responsible for them, the woman is a guardian of her husband’s house and she is responsible for it. All of you are guardians and responsible for things under your control.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

The Prophet, Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, did not excuse anyone from a responsibility that Allah (the Almighty) has put on an individual. The ruler is responsible, the man and woman are responsible… all within their capabilities, domains, and authorities. Sadly, the loss of true Islaam from our Muslim Ummah these days is nothing but a result of the neglect of this responsibility. Men and women, fathers and mothers, share the responsibility to raise, educate, and build the new generation in the correct method and the right way.

The human has in him both the good and bad tendencies; therefore, parents must encourage and refine the good tendencies in their children. Referring to this, Allah Almighty says, {O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones. } (At-Tahreem: 6)

The protection of yourself and your family from Hell-Fire can be done by good Islamic education, the practice of good morals and nobility.

Islaam does not distinguish between male and female with regard to education requirements. The Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,) is reported to have said, “Whoever has a daughter, tutors her on good morals, educates her well and feeds her properly, she will be a protection for him from Hell-Fire.”

Methods

1-Show your child the value of good deeds and their affect on the individuals and society. Also demonstrating the effects of bad deeds, while taking into account the child’s capability of understanding.

2-Parents should be a good example in their behavior because children like to imitate their parents in their words and actions.

3-Teach your child the religious principles and tutor them in worship, again taking into account the child’s capability of understanding. The Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,) is reported to have said,

“Order your children to pray at the age of seven.”

4-Treat your children lovingly and kindly. The Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,) taught us this practically.

When he was praying as an Imaam with the people, his grandson al-Hasan, son of his daughter Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with them both, climbed on his back while he was bowing. The Prophet, Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, lengthened his Rukoo’. When he finished his prayer, some Companions said, “You lengthened your bow?” Then the Prophet, Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,, answered, “My grandson rode my back and I hate hastening him”

5-One of the important things that parents must teach their children is to choose good company and to the avoid bad company, as children are always influenced by the company they keep. Bad behavior can be easily transmitted through bad company; the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, warned us by saying,

“Man is inclined to get influenced by his friend’s manners, so one must be careful in choosing friends.” (Reported by Abu Dawud & At-Tirmidhi)

6-Encourage your child’s sense of belonging to the Muslim Ummah, by teaching him/her the importance of brotherhood and sisterhood between Muslims. Teaching your child to care for the Muslims, be they from or in any land. Make him/her feel like they are apart of the Muslim body; to feel joy when Muslims are joyous, to feel sad for Muslims’ sadness, and to do their best to achieve the Muslim Ummah’s goals.

Practical Tips

A- Take children to Masaajid and introduce them to their brothers/sisters in Islaam regardless of race, language, or origin.

B- Teach children the history of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, his Companions and the history of the Prophets. Keeping in mind the child’s capability of understanding.

C- Encourage children to sympathize with Muslims and to contribute to the solutions Muslims face, such as poverty by donating some money to poor Muslim children.

D- Take part in celebrations, picnics and festivals with Muslims, especially with children of the same age.

E- Imbue in children the feeling of love for Allah, His Prophets, Muslims, and righteous deeds. This love, Allah Willing, will lead to special behavior towards and for all those loved.

The above are general guidelines which will hopefully help parents accomplish the job entrusted to them by Allah Almighty and His Messenger (peace be upon him).

Surely, the standing infront of Allah Almighty is near indeed,

{And say, “Do deeds! Allah will see your deeds, and (so will) his Messenger and the believers. And you will be brought back to the All-Knower of the unseen and the seen. Then He will inform you of what you used to do.” } (At-Tawbah: 105)

http://idealmuslimah.com